It might surprise many of my faithful readers that I am updating my blog again. You’d given up on me hadn’t you?
Lately I’ve been itching to get back to writing about my life and connecting with my friends and family in a way that I have always loved.
But, things are different now that I’m back. Some things I’m going to want to keep private. Some things might only be for me. That’s because my life is changed.
I’m not the married, childless, American living in England – biding her time until she could talk her spouse into getting a visa for the states.
Now (deep breath, Jamie) I’m the single (divorced *cringe*) American living in England because, well, because I want to.
Lets clear up a few things.
Chris and I are still very good friends. The divorce was final in April, but it hasn’t been too difficult because we are still in each others lives. We travel together, spend days out together, talk, text, and continue navigating our way through this uncharted experience. The reasons for the divorce are ours, and ours alone. Its our story and one that only we will tell, when and if we’re ready. Have there been tears and heartbreak along the way? Of course, probably more than I can count. But, I’m thankful everyday (mostly everyday) that we settled things in a way that allow us to have a friendly relationship. There will be no bashing of the ex on this blog – friends just don’t do that.
So, I hear you ask, if you are divorced and he was a major reason you stayed in England – WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE? That, my friend, is a great question and I still don’t even have an answer for myself, yet alone anyone else who might wonder and question it. I do know one thing for absolute sure, England is my home. I’ve been an adult longer here than in America. Me and England? We’ve been through a lot! Just because I am now on my own, that doesn’t change much. I am settled here, I love it here, and if it only had my friends and family I’d be completely happy (anyone want to move over? Visit? Anyone??). I’ve searched, studied, prayed, asked nicely, and begged for an answer of what I need to do with my life. I am still waiting, but in the meantime I am going to be taking advantage of some great opportunities for my future while I’m still here – however long that may be.
I am lucky that I still have the twins in my life as well. They are going to a new school in the Autumn and I, luckily, get to look after them still. They make me crazy and frustrated and happy and peaceful all at the same time.
Luckily, this change in my life hasn’t made me bitter and angry with the church. I am so blessed that I still treasure my testimony and membership. Don’t get me wrong there are times where I want to scream and shout, “ITS NOT FAIR! WHY??” but I am learning to lean on my Saviour even more to answer those tough questions. My calling in our newly created ward as a member of the Primary Presidency has helped me to focus on the basics.
I also have been on the “Divorce Diet” as my mom calls it. I am finding joy in taking care of myself in every way including physically. I am sure it is something I will mention in future posts, but I wont ever say how much I’ve lost, just that I’m focusing on me and you know what? It feels great when I get out there and do it!
In the future there will be some posts that will be private and unavailable to read. But hopefully, I’ll keep having adventures and keeping a record of it right here on this blog! Stay tuned!