The only thing Constant in life is change

It might surprise many of my faithful readers that I am updating my blog again.  You’d given up on me hadn’t you?

Lately I’ve been itching to get back to writing about my life and connecting with my friends and family in a way that I have always loved.

But, things are different now that I’m back.  Some things I’m going to want to keep private.  Some things might only be for me.  That’s because my life is changed.

I’m not the married, childless, American living in England – biding her time until she could talk her spouse into getting a visa for the states.

Now (deep breath, Jamie) I’m the single (divorced *cringe*) American living in England because, well, because I want to.

Lets clear up a few things.

Chris and I are still very good friends.  The divorce was final in April, but it hasn’t been too difficult because we are still in each others lives.  We travel together, spend days out together, talk, text, and continue navigating our way through this uncharted experience.  The reasons for the divorce are ours, and ours alone.  Its our story and one that only we will tell, when and if we’re ready.  Have there been tears and heartbreak along the way?  Of course, probably more than I can count.  But, I’m thankful everyday (mostly everyday) that we settled things in a way that allow us to have a friendly relationship.  There will be no bashing of the ex on this blog – friends just don’t do that.

Do what is right for you:   IMG_6601

So, I hear you ask, if you are divorced and he was a major reason you stayed in England – WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE?  That, my friend, is a great question and I still don’t even have an answer for myself, yet alone anyone else who might wonder and question it.  I do know one thing for absolute sure, England is my home.  I’ve been an adult longer here than in America.  Me and England?  We’ve been through a lot!  Just because I am now on my own, that doesn’t change much.  I am settled here, I love it here, and if it only had my friends and family I’d be completely happy (anyone want to move over?  Visit?  Anyone??).  I’ve searched, studied, prayed, asked nicely, and begged for an answer of what I need to do with my life.  I am still waiting, but in the meantime I am going to be taking advantage of some great opportunities for my future while I’m still here – however long that may be.

I am lucky that I still have the twins in my life as well.  They are going to a new school in the Autumn and I, luckily, get to look after them still.  They make me crazy and frustrated and happy and peaceful all at the same time. 

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Luckily, this change in my life hasn’t made me bitter and angry with the church.  I am so blessed that I still treasure my testimony and membership.  Don’t get me wrong there are times where I want to scream and shout, “ITS NOT FAIR! WHY??” but I am learning to lean on my Saviour even more to answer those tough questions.  My calling in our newly created ward as a member of the Primary Presidency has helped me to focus on the basics. 

I also have been on the “Divorce Diet” as my mom calls it.  I am finding joy in taking care of myself in every way including physically.  I am sure it is something I will mention in future posts, but I wont ever say how much I’ve lost, just that I’m focusing on me and you know what? It feels great when I get out there and do it!

In the future there will be some posts that will be private and unavailable to read.  But hopefully, I’ll keep having adventures and keeping a record of it right here on this blog!  Stay tuned!

Me, single again?  That’s bound to create some stories right there!

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The Longest Day… Ever…

Two seperate entries in one day?  How do I rate…  I am just sitting here at work.  I have looked up everything on the internet that I can possibly think of (or get away with) and have played, I would say, upwards of 1,000,000,000,000 games of Solitaire and believe it or not listened to Accuradio and started hearing the comedy tracks I was listening to – over again, and Accuradio has a HUGE playlist….  I didnt have anyone to go to lunch with so I sat here through my lunch and also no one to chat with (all my attempts failed).  So I am listening to music and I started thinking about yesterday I was driving home from work (dying in my car without air conditioning) and trying to find at least ONE song on the radio that didnt have to do with love, happines, kissing, joy, ANYTHING and I got onto a song that sounded good – for one second.  It was the Backstreet Boys song:  “Incomplete”.  First of all what are they trying to do with that song?  Cause already sad people around the world to jump or drive off the road?  It made me angry (I am becoming very good at that)… what is this song teaching young girls – I would bet most young guys arent listening to the song – it is teaching them that alone they are nothing but when they have a man in their life they are suddenly complete – nevermind about being a complete person without a man – it isnt possible…. how awful!  And second the song is about a boy that is keeping a girl hanging on because HE just cant let her go – LAME (and very true in most cases)  Maybe if there were more – I am good alone songs – in this world we would have so many problems… maybe if we had more positive songs I wouldnt have dated the wrong person for 7 years and let him make me think I was incomplete without him, although he was quite complete without me…. So I say turn off those silly, stupid, disheartening love songs….  Women – we are quite complete without men in our lives – they can enrich our lives in some cases, lucky cases – but if we never find our “better” half we need to know that we can do it ourselves and we need no one but ourselves to make us happy…. so make a song out of that Backstreet Boys!!!

Ohhhh I get to go now…. ranting passes time just perfectly… off to a job interview… 

525,600 Minutes… How do you Measure a Year?

Most people choose to think about the events of the last year on an important date, you know, New Years, Birthdays (themselves or their children), Christmas… ohhhh not me – I choose to break tradition and ponder on the dealings of last year on July 19th.  The date actually does means something to me, it was the time I first ever met or chatted with Chris.  As I sat and read the conversation we had a year ago – I got to thinking about how much our relationship had changed in a year and then I thought – what else has happened…. thus the post.

I decided to make a list to start with of things that have happened for me from July to July:

Trips I’ve Taken: 4

Times I’ve Twisted my Ankle: 2 

Weddings I’ve Attended (happily or otherwise): 4 

Babies Born (not mine!!!!): 3

Engagements (my own): 1

Break-ups (my own): 1

Therapists: 2

Different Kinds of Churches Attended (other than LDS): 3

Deaths: 1

Musicals I’ve Seen:  12 – that I can remember…

So then, at the rate of sounding like a real “RENThead”, How do you measure a year?  Should I measure mine in heartache or happiness, love lost or love gained, trips or musicals?

I cant believe it’s been a year since I first talked with Chris…